Tight-on-hand, sell your car – of photographs and note

“Ergonomic seating, special dust can absorb ass in vigorous exercise at the outflow of sweat to prevent slide …”
 

Sooner or later

　　A thief with a long record was brought before the judge.

　　Judge: Have you ever stolen things?

　　Thief: Oh, now and then.

　　Judge: And where have you stolen these things?

　　Thief: Oh, here and there.

　　Judge: Right. Lock him up, officer.

　　Thief: Hey, when do I get out jail?

　　Judge: Oh, sooner or later.

Chief is at the wedding

　　A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street. “But officer,” the man said, “I can explain.”

　　”Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to put you in jail until the chief gets back.”

　　”But ,officer, I ….”

　　”I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!”

　　A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “You are lucky because the chief is at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”

　　”Are you sure?” answered the man in the cell. “I’m the groom.”

Whose Dog Is Smarter

Two women that are dog owners are arguing about which dog is smarter.

First Woman : “My dos is so smart, every morning he waits for the paper boy to come around and then he takes the newspaper and brings it to me.

Second Woman : “I know…”

First Woman : “How?”

Second Woman : “My dog told me.”

You speak English?

       “Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knows his way around. What’s more, he only speaks a few words of English.”
      The Judge looked at the defendant and asked, “How much English can you speak?”
     The defendant looked up and said, “Give me your wallet!”

 

[ From:  http://www.chinadaily.com.cn ]

Chicken soup

Joe was in the hospital and it was time for lunch. He looks at his lunch and says, “I don’t like chicken soup, bring something else.”

The hospital worker said, “It’s good for you, the doctor said you should have it.” Regardless, the patient refused to eat it.

That night, a patient in the room with Joe had a bad stomach pain so the nurses came in to give him an enema. By mistake, they gave the enema to Joe.

The following week, when he was leaving the hospital, a new patient asked him how he liked the hospital.

He told him, “Well, the hospital itself is pretty good, but they’re very strict about their food. Here’s a good tip – when they bring up chicken soup you better eat it, or else they’ll come back in the middle of the night and shove it up your behind!”
[www.chinadaily.com.cn ]